How to pay for a trip

We’re working as servers right now at an upscale restaurant in NY state. The other night a woman ordered a steak “pink,” and after I asked her a couple questions to clarify exactly what she wanted, she asked me a rather startling question of her own:

“Are you autistic?”

“I beg your pardon?” I asked, thinking I’d misheard.

“Are you autistic?”

Silence. A lot of possibilities raced quickly through my head. I can come across as standoffish sometimes, and have been occasionally known to be a little socially awkward, but this… I’d actually thought I’d had a nice rapport going with this table. Then I said something I had never really expected to say, ever:

“No. I’m not autistic,” in a slow, strained and firm voice. I can’t even imagine what my facial expression must have been.

The woman’s jaw dropped. “No, no! Awrrrtistic, artistic!” She had a thick Boston accent.

She motioned toward the pen I was using to write her order down. “I just saw that you were left handed, and…” She looked mortified, and then everyone started laughing. I was just glad that I didn’t actually have the most insanely mean customer in the world after all.

I told the table, “I was thinking, jeez, at least give me Asperger’s syndrome.”

“and M’am,” I said, holding up my pen: “I’m right-handed.”

They left a nice tip.

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2 responses to “How to pay for a trip

  1. That’s hysterical, Andy!!!! Thanks for providing my chuckle for the day!

  2. Too funny! I’ll make sure your mom sees this one!!!!!!!

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